Ramblings...

I often find myself questioning my sanity in this industry....the costs are astronomical, the glory is minimal, the thanks and appreciation for all the hard work is few and far between.

This winter has been rough.....I currently find myself in my second attempt to "do the horse thing" full time without another source of income, barely scraping by. Frequent conversations with my best friend end in "why do we do this? I hate horses....." But the truth is, we don't hate horses. We love horses. We love them so much we are willing to spend every penny we own on them. We love them so much we are willing to sacrifice weekends with friends and loved ones to chase a 50 cent ribbon. We love them so much that we'll stay up for days without sleep- pushing drugs, hand walking, racking up thousands of dollars with the vet, praying, pleading, begging God for a miracle only to have to put the horse down on the 3rd day bc all your efforts weren't enough to save her. Tonight one of my dearest friends called me half in tears telling me she needs to retire her horse because of a breathing issue. My heart broke. Sometimes life can be unfair, I find that more so with horses.

I've been struggling for the past couple months with my up and coming horse....she hasn't been herself at all. I have separated her from her friends in the hope that it was just a heard bound issue. I have treated ulcers and then added supplements to prevent their return. I've given her time off. I've worked her harder. I've kicked her out hoping more turn out would be the trick. I've done something I've never ever done and started her on hormone therapy drugs for moods. I've added a calming supplement thinking maybe we can "just get through the winter". I've changed grain. I've bought the $13.50 a bale alfalfa. Nothing has worked and all I can explain to people and myself is that she just doesn't seem right. I know this horse like I know myself. Yesterday she refused an 18" vertical.......I can count on 3 fingers the number of refusals that mare has had, yesterday being one of them. Today we had decent flat work, and then when I was cooling her out she spooked at a sparrow. On Monday the vet is coming to do a full work up and test for Lyme disease, which I find myself praying comes back positive because at this point I just want my horse back and at least that's treatable.....

To everyone in the industry, I commend you. This business will chew you up and spit you out. Nothing you do will please everyone, no matter how hard you try. To those who get up day in and day out, putting their head down and working hard no matter what- I'm with you. To those who throw in the towel and just can't make it work, or decide they'd rather just enjoy their horse for once, I hope you find the peace you are looking for and sometimes I wish I was you. This business isn't for the faint of heart and that's for sure. To those clients who ask "what can I do to help" or just pick up a broom without being asked- thank you a million times over. You have literally no idea what that means to us. To every single student who just says "thank you" before leaving, that alone can make the difference in a good day or a bad one when you feel like the world is caving in around you. Horses are tough, this is a labor of love. I would guarantee not one single person went into this industry thinking "I'd like to get rich quick!" And if they did, they were clearly misguided.